remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
