When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
