forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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