All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
