dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
