My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
