The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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