Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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