Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
