I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
