watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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