Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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