I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
