I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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