make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
This is classic penis vs brain.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
