at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
