i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
