One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
