Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
