so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
