i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
