I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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