with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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