i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
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At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
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He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.