Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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