You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
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