the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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