Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Randomize
