never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
