The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
