Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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