Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
