you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
