We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize