I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
