my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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