well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
