omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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