Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
