in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
