So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
