he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
