I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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