I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
