you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
