guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
