She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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