i'm signing you up for texting rehab
...so i touched it.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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