is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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