8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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