I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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