That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
