2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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