FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
