i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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