Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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