I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
