He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
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Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
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My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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