i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
